An Older Child?

When Scott and I mention adoption, most everyone assumes we're bringing home a baby.  Fair enough, we actually did think we'd be adopting a baby, adopting domestically, and adopting a child without "special needs".  But we're learning quickly that God's plans do not always match ours.

We had been focusing on finding children that fell within our specific parameters for age and disability.  We had to stop and pray, asking God to show us our child, even if they didn't fit neatly into our plans.

When we found our nine year old daughter, we realized that God had burdened our hearts to make a home for an older child.  And that put is in a category few families find themselves in.  These sweet children have waited for years and years, and now find themselves unadoptable.  Why?  Because no one wants them.  Even advocates for orphans find themselves not pushing as hard for the older waiting children, because they know that, odds are, no one is going to step forward to bring them home.

I hate to compare these sweet children to animals, but think about the dogs and cats waiting in shelters for a family to come for them before it's too late.  Which animals are chosen first?  The puppies, the kittens.  They're cute, fluffy, and your kids are begging you for that bundle of sweetness.  

When we rescued our cats from the shelter, Ayden was BEGGING me for this tiny orange fluffball, and like all the cats there, he needed a home.  But there was this "adolescent" cat there that I just couldn't stop loving on.  He was already 6 months old, almost full-grown, and he had been passed over, because all these little kittens were there.  The woman running the shelter told me he was most likely unadoptable, because he wasn't 8 weeks old.  People don't rescue older cats, even cats just a few months older.  Of course, we brought both cats home.  (Hardy and Ollie are both laying in the open dining room windows, enjoying the sunshine today.)

When you rescue an older animal, you know what you're getting into.  The shelter knows their personality, their likes and dislikes.  It's just a matter of bringing them into your home and giving them a little extra time to adjust.  It's the same way with the older children.

These children have spent more of their lives without a family, but it doesn't mean they should spend the rest of their lives without a family.  

There are many more older children waiting, so please ask yourself if an older child belongs to your family.

Sadie is On Board!

Ayden and Elijah are way, way on board with this adoption.  It's evident from the two HUGE piles of toys that I need to price for a local consignment sale coming in March, from the change that keeps appearing in our jar, from the things they say.  As Ayden was going through her Barbie containers, she said "Mommy, I'll sell all of my toys if it means [my sister] can come home!"  Elijah even got out all the puzzles he's outgrown, including the ten or so Thomas puzzles, and added them to the consignment pile.  Sadie's so young, we just tell her she's getting another big sister, show her the photos, and leave it at that.

Last week I picked up a print of one of the photos we got from the agency and put it in a frame.  It took Ayden only seconds to spot it the following morning; she was literally halfway down the stairs after waking up and spotted the photo in the dining room.  "Look what I see!" 

I had a friend over for coffee one morning this week, and as soon as she walked through the door, Sadie grabbed the photo and took it to my friend to show it off, happily squealing "Baby, baby!"  Apparently Sadie is on board, too!

Born In Our Hearts

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
Yet still miraculously my own.
Never forget for even a minute,
You didn't grow under my heart,
You grew in it.

-Unknown

As Scott and I searched photolistings of children, we wondered how we could ever make the "right" choice, if none of the children would be a "wrong" choice.  All are in need of a mommy and daddy, all have lived without a family for too long, whether they are only months old or are 5 or 9 or 16 years old.  But still, we searched for the one who spoke to both our hearts.

And there she was... her beautiful smile and captivating eyes made us stop.  We both knew, she was the daughter born in our hearts.

We immediately requested more information about her, and after reading everything we received, we asked what we needed to do to move forward.  Now, we have begun the process of applying to be "matched" with our daughter.  There will be many forms to sign, many miles to travel, many days, weeks, and months to wait, but it will all be worth the reward of having her in our family.

We pray that God will move the mountains before us.  We pray for provision.  We pray for our daughter, her caretakers, and the officials and caseworkers in her country and ours who will be handling our case.  We praise God for the blessing of friends who have traveled this path before us, and the family and friends who are supporting us as we begin this journey.

We look forward to the day we can share our daughter with you, when she is home with us, with her family.  The family she has waited nine long years to have.

Resolutions, Part 2

And this is the part that scares me, because I still have no idea where we're heading.  


FAMILY
As most of our friends and family know, and unless God has some BIG surprises in store, we are finished having biological children.  After our trials during the first weeks of Sadie's life, Scott and I listened to the advice of my Ob/Gyn and made the difficult decision not to have more biological children.  We knew then that we weren't finished, but we filed those thoughts away in the backs of our minds.


We made it through even more trials this past summer, as we made the decision, with Sadie's cardiologist, to surgically close the big hole in Sadie's little heart sooner than later.  Once the stress levels lowered and we were feeling comfortable, that nagging feeling started.  The thoughts we had put off for all our good and justifiable reasons were surfacing.  Family... adoption...

Allow me to go off on a tangent.  At the end of 2010, we moved into a home with an extra thousand square feet, an extra bedroom, and a fantastic yard.  We saw God working throughout the home selling/buying processes, and I heard Him ask "So, what will you do with these blessings?"  Sure, in our last home, we were a bit cramped, with all the baby gear, but that's all gone now, and we could easily fit two twin beds in Ayden's old room.  My grandparents raised a family in a 900 sq. ft. home, and we had almost double that in our last home.  And now an extra 1,000 sq. ft.  So our new home is a blessing.  And we had to decide how we were going to use that blessing to glorify God.


We decided on the Foster/Adopt program through our local Department of Social Services.  Scott and I went to an Orientation, and have spent several weeks filling out applications (114 questions, answered in essay form), getting references, drawing house layouts, fire escape plans, and we'll be fingerprinted next week.  We looked at each other while answering some of the longer questions and asked "Seriously, there are people who go through ALL this just for a stipend?"  It's very, VERY detailed.  And then we'll have an intense month of classes that will take up EVERY Saturday morning and afternoon and most Tuesday evenings.


And, while we're filling out this paperwork, and knowing that we're doing what we're called to do, commanded to do, God speaks to my heart through two little boys being adopted from Eastern Europe by a friend of mine.  I've been following her blog for several months, praying for her adoption, thinking "How great for their family, but not mine. We're doing the whole foster/adoption thing."


And my heart is divided.  Not in the sense that I'm not sure which direction is right, but in the sense that I believe we have a child in our area, and another child on the other side of the world.  I feel totally crazy (seriously, 5 kids?!?!), but totally at peace.  And, as if knowing we wanted to have two more mouths to feed wasn't enough to put my mother into cardiac arrest, I want to adopt a special needs girl from Eastern Europe.  Cue heart attack, mental breakdown, sleepless nights for my mother.


I've been getting emails for several months from different adoption advocates worldwide, and I've been praying for the children and their future families.  There were photos and descriptions of sweet children that broke my heart, but not until Thursday did I receive a photo and description that not only broke my heart, but gave me such a strong sense of desire that I was truly overcome by my emotions.  I spent hours praying and crying, asking God to please not let Scott think I've lost my mind.  To please not let him think this was just a wrench in his plans to retire early and hit the trail for 6 months out of each year.

I waited until Friday morning before I told him (he really would think I was nuts if I woke him up at 1:30 a.m. to tell him I wanted to bring a special needs child home from Eastern Europe), and as I expected, he wasn't moved by her photo.  "She's cute, but we can't handle special needs, we can't afford an international adoption, TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!"

So many husbands are totally opposed to the idea of adoption in general, and I really am fortunate that Scott wants to add to our family through adoption.  My resolution is to continue working on getting our child here, while praying for God's plan for growing our family through an international adoption.  I'll be praying for the sweet girl who has no name attached to her description, whose adoptive family was unable to complete the adoption.  I so badly want to go right now and rescue her from a terrible fate in a mental institution (she'll turn 6 in the spring, which is the typical age for transfer), but I know that I can't.  I don't even know if she's intended for our family, but I know that I can't erase her sweet face from my mind.  I'm just praying.  For her, for us, for us to realize God's plan.  And in the meantime, I'm thanking God that my husband has heard His call to adopt.

Happy New Year, friends.