This afternoon, we had a very difficult step to take. We are working with a wonderful social worker, with a heart for orphans and a heart for their families. We had given her some medical information from Cullen's file, and because of that information, she is not going to approve us to adopt him.
Walking away is one of the hardest things I've had to do. If you have ever miscarried (and I have), it is the same feeling. You've gotten the positive test, seen the little heartbeat on the ultrasound, fallen in love with this little person you've only ever seen a picture of and, almost as quickly, they're gone.
We will still have the option to add a second child to the adoption, but right now, we need to grieve over Cullen, and focus on bringing our daughter home. We really don't know if we'll do anything with that approval.
This little boy, he has a piece of my heart, and always will. I'm praying for a family to find him soon, as he's already spent 11 years without one. Sweet Cullen, I wish you were mine.